religion.

          I've been absent from this blog for a little while due to the lack of motivation and time, but mostly the motivation. In the last few months I have shifted from an early-EARLY morning person to a late-LATE night person..I definitely prefer the former (because it meant I would get off of work at 1pm the latest and have the rest of the day free, as opposed to starting work at 1pm like I do now). It's ok. I'm over it. But it does mean that by the time I get home from work, all I wanna do is relax....which usually consists of Facebook stalking and, well, relaxing. But I tend to think of this blog more than normal now, because all I want to do is write. It also doesn't help that South Bend feels like Seattle at this point. It's always cold and wet and cloudy outside..

I think I'm suffering from a winter depression...AHHH. I love the winter up until New Years is over and I can't look forward to another holiday for awhile.

"Isn't it the time when our lives seem the darkest that God's glory shines the brightest."
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          For awhile now, I keep getting an urge to write about religion. Not entirely sure where this will lead, but I'll give it a shot.

          As I grew up, I was raised Catholic. It's pretty obvious, just look at the size of my family. (9 children) But I never felt like it was right for me. I'm not trying to describe it like coffee, some people love bold coffee, others hate it, so we move on...I'm trying to say I personally never felt touched by God in the Catholic church. Going to church was something that I was forced to do by my parents, whether I liked it or not. And I can honestly say I'm glad they made me go, but in the end, I was never happy with it. I felt like it was way too old-fashioned and traditional. I'll agree, some people feel closest to God when they are worshiping in that type of scene, and that is awesome! But for me, I needed to be emotionally moved. I feel closest to God when I see people's lives dramatically change. I believe in miracles and I strongly believe God intended for us to have those amazing gifts, to help bring everyone closer to His love. For me, the Catholic church meant an hour where you went inside of a building, sat down and shut up while you did the same thing every weekend in the same order. Sit down, kneel, stand up, sing a hymn, sit down, be quiet, get the body of Christ, then leave. I don't mean to bash anybody reading this who is Catholic, this is just how I felt while going to church at the time. All I can say is that I never felt spiritually changed or closer to God in this place of worship, and it made me really upset that I couldn't feel the love of God there. Sometimes, I would walk in the church and feel judged just for wearing jeans that Sunday, as if God really cared what I was wearing, or (with a family like mine), we would almost always be 2 minutes late for mass, and as we would walk in, I would feel some hate or disgust radiating off of peoples' faces.

MY CHURCH
    For the last 2 years, I have been apart of Granger Community Church. To me, it is one of the most spiritually filled places I have ever been. It is called a "community church", but if you want to get technical, its a Methodist church. It is a very large church and is filled with people immensely inspired by God. In the Catholic church, you would never find someone raising their hands as they worship God, but at GCC, it's not very unusual. Art and music are a huge part of their worship, and for a person like me, it emotionally steers me towards Jesus Christ everyday. No one is perfect, and no one ever will be, except for Jesus, but that place feels like home. When people ask me what religion I am, I sometimes get that "aww crap" feeling because I have to tell the people, who a lot of the times are Catholic, that I was raised Catholic but am now Methodist. I know as a follower of Christ, I shouldn't get ashamed of being..well, not Catholic, but it happens. I'm working on that. Sometimes I don't even like to put a label on what type of follower I am. I believe in God, His Son, and the Holy Spirit. I believe in miracles. I believe in loving each other. And I believe the devil exists the screw us up.

          I have been reading a book called "The Me I Want To Be", and it was describing how people have completely different ways of worshiping God and different ways in which they feel closest to Him. Some people feel closest to Him in nature, some while listening to music, some while in church, some when they are surrounded by lots of people and some when they are all alone.

 Again, I wasn't really sure where I was going with this. Just needed to vent a little bit.


"It's impossible to let God down, because you were never holding Him up."