For the majority of you who read my blog who are NOT baristas, don't feel bad that this might not make much sense to you. IT'S OK! This is a learning community. As I was working the other day, I was overcome with the thought of doing one of those "You know you're _____ when _____..." type posts. I thought it could give you an insight into your barista's mind as they work to give you that Starbucks experience you expect. This type of list can be endless but here are the ones that stuck out to me the most. P.S. This makes us sound like angry people, which is true, so do not be one of these customers.
P.p.s. This was not made out of anger, just as a joke and is not to be taken seriously at all. I love my job and each of my customers...for the most part.
You know you're a Starbucks barista when...
-the word "Frappe" makes you want to kill the customer and dump their body in a McDonalds bathroom. Its not a "Frappe", it's a Frappuccino!
-you want to scream and cry whenever you make a Caramel Macchiato and the lid doesn't go on properly...meaning you have to remake the entire drink.
-you roll your eyes when you get a customer who tries to lecture you on how to do your job...and end their rant with "I used to be a barista".....BULLSHIT!
-you throw up at the thought of making an iced cappuccino. Hot steamed foam on top of cold milk and ice! YUM!
-shaving with a dull blade sounds more enjoyable than having to follow the "Just Say Yes" policy with arrogant people.
-the worst four words to say after a drink is beautifully created are "I wanted that iced..."
-you never realize how cup sleeves are taken for granted until you run out.
-you feel angry when you get a whipped cream that wasn't shaken properly while it was made. YUM, soupy whipped cream!
-you've poured brewed coffee into the cup instead of hot water while making a hot tea.
-you've poured freshly brewed coffee onto your arm instead of in the cup.
-you've resteamed milk because it was quicker.
-you get pissed off when a customer pulls the "That's not how the other Starbucks does it" card. Oh really? Shut the heck up.
-you get customers who believe they have a high-maintenance drink when it really isn't that difficult.
-you wanna scream when they stand at the hand-off counter watching your every move with their drink.
-you've "accidentally" hit the Decaf button just because the customer was an a-hole.
-it feels good to say 'No' to a customer who screws up ordering their drink and makes you remake it, and THEN asks for the messed up drink.
-you have a fake work voice.
-you feel bad for ordering a Frappuccino for yourself.
-you cry inside whenever you have to make a smoothie during morning rush.
-when you roll your eyes at the stupid teenage girls, and sometimes grown men, who can't handle a drink without a sleeve cause it is "too hot".
-you want to kill your fellow barista who calls off because they're "sick", but you know they're just really hungover.
-you purposely speak louder to the customers who show up to Starbucks on their cell phones.
-you hate yourself for pushing too hard on the mocha pump when it was just recently made.
-you can no longer tell what are real freckles from the the homemade Chai-splatter freckles.
-you answer sarcastically to the customers who ask 3+ times if you made sure their drink was decaf.
-you realize how perverted you have become since working at Starbucks.
-you hate the words "moist", "extra thick", "that'll do me", and "wet".
-you want to scream at the people who don't know the difference between the 'trash bin' from the 'dirty plates and silverware bin'.
-you dread having to tell a customer who tries to buy a Tall Coffee that you can't accept the $100 bill. Yeah right. NEXT!
-you smell like coffee 98% of the time.
-you get so tired that you sometimes lose the ability to scold.
-you have to explain a few times a day what the difference is between a Cappuccino and a Frappuccino.
-you enjoy telling people that you will not touch their trash in the Drive-thru because it is a health code violation and that Starbucks is not a big trash can..
-there is always that one customer who you avoid, and then the one customer who you love.
-you feel "dirty" mixing chai and espresso.
-the little things bother you, such as when a customer orders a "Caramel Apple Cider".
-you want to rip off that customers head when they try to take change out of the tip jar, and then you don't feel bad for yelling at them.
-you feel terrible for telling a person that their card was declined.
-it makes your day when you accidentally upgrade the customers drink to a larger size and they get freaking excited.
-you judge people who need to have every box filled in on the cup.
-you throw in an entire Splenda packet because it is too much work to just pour in half a Splenda packet.
-you scold people who need their cup both double-cupped and with a sleeve.
-you agree with this list and just realized how angry of a person you truly are.
