Why Baristas are Better than Regular People.

Before I start blabbing on about why I'm better than you (jokes jokes), I'll update you on what's been going on in my life the last 3 weeks or so. Starbucks consumes most of my life, so there is little to say what I do outside of work.

-- Starbucks' Christmas season began a few weeks ago so my manager, a fellow barista and I worked our butts off getting the store looking like Santa Claus puked his red-cheerful-merry Christmas bliss everywhere. The store is filled with a ginormous amount of Christmas Blend coffee that will surely last us 4 or 5 years. The windows are decorated with snow flakes (minus the real snow that has yet to fall upon South Bend..and it's almost December). The mood in my store has progressed to a nice level. My coworkers seem to be in better spirits. I'm not sure if it's the Christmas season or people are finally starting to do their jobs without complaining. I hope it's the latter. I'll take what I can get because work is a more enjoyable place again. Along with my store, I also decorated my house with Christmas decorations. I think this may have been the earliest we have finished decorating and I think we were the first house with lights up in my neighborhood. Don't judge us! And this last Thursday was Thanksgiving, so I worked in the morning and spent the rest of the day cooking and eating. I probably ate my body weight in turkey and green bean casserole. I got to see a few friends who were back from school and that was awesome. I also went out with a friend, my other friend Steph and her cousin from Italy. We hit up a newer bar in town and the place was hoppin with kids from my grade school, high school, and a crap load of random friends. After another boring day or two, I'm now sitting here writing to you guys. Let's do this!

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As Starbucks baristas, we're known for being unbelievably good-looking and amazing at what we do. But what the regular people don't know, is that we're amazing at doing the most random things. If you try and argue with me, I'll be upfront and say that you're wrong. I'm not working behind the bar, so I don't have to "Just Say Yes" to your nonsense. My store is known for being amazing, and it's only proof that even though we are the slowest store in the area, we make the best tips. I don't leave my shirt two buttons undone at the drive-thru window for no reason..LOOK AT ME NOW..IM GETTING PAPER!

Pointless Talents of a Starbucks Barista

-We can write on cups just as well as paper.
-We can remember a ridiculous amount of drinks that are spit out to us in the drive-thru without having to put them in the expeditor.
-We can tell who is going to be a bitch before they speak.
-We carry 6+ gallons of milk at once from the back of the store to the front multiple times a day.
-We can talk to a person while taking an order from a different person all while counting money from someone else all at once.
-We can translate obnoxious hand movements into english (such as the hand movement for a sleeve. Come on people, we're in Starbucks, not a parked car behind a strip club downtown.)
-We can always sometimes speak through the drive-thru speaker without messing up while being poked or molested by our fellow baristas.
-We can spot a needy person from a mile away.
-We can do almost anything in the 20-some seconds it takes for the espresso machine to pull a shot. For example, we can run to the back fridge and grab 6 gallons of milk and run back before the shot finishes pulling, we can rinse 10+ milk pitchers, we can run to grab a newspaper while grabbing a pastry and a coffee on the way to catching the shot.
-We clean more than your house maid.
-We can fix technical issues, broken pipes, clogged toilets, espresso machines, climb 20 feet to change a light-bulb, "fix" cupboards.
-We are amazing at over-analyzing things and assuming everything is completely broken and useless without consulting a professional first.
-We are pros at handling liquids of temperatures as high as 200 degrees.
-We are able to spill freshly brewed coffee all over our hands while keeping a straight face.
-We can take in more bullshit than the average person.
-We can flip whip cream and caramel bottles like we're bartenders.
-We know your dogs name before we know yours.
-We know your multiple drinks before we know your name.
-We can make a huge mess with just about anything.
-We can kick a paper cup across the store if we're pissed off enough.
-We can be louder than the average person.
-We can turn anything into a "That's What She Said" joke.
-We can make anything filthy.
-We can corrupt good people into vile, disgusting human beings.
-We have better singing voices than Frank Sinatra, opera singers, and you.


This list is endless because our talents are endless. Don't hate us because we're so popular.